


trust your heart

by jillyfae



Series: live by love: codas & interludes [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Background Malec, Demons, Gen, Jace Wayland Needs A Hug, Magic, Parabatai Feels, Post-Episode: s01e04 Raising Hell, aka making up lore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:42:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24633268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillyfae/pseuds/jillyfae
Summary: Jace never talked to Alec about the failed summoning when they lost Valak and Clary's memories, not really. No one ever talked to Jace about it either, to his very great relief.Until Magnus mentioned that they could try the ritual again, and Jace couldn't avoid it any longer.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland
Series: live by love: codas & interludes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1191187
Comments: 24
Kudos: 138
Collections: SHBingo





	trust your heart

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [trust your heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28503117) by [Batty_Blue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batty_Blue/pseuds/Batty_Blue)



> Bingo Square: Double Date  
> [[tumblr](https://faejilly.tumblr.com/post/620487697568563200)]
> 
> I am tagging this as a 1x04 coda-fic because that's what this is in reaction _to,_ but it occurs at some indeterminate _later_ moment. We are ignoring the timeline. I have no idea when this happens, don't try to make it fit, it won't work. Probably because the timeline doesn't even work on it's _own._

"Biscuit." Magnus paused, as if he wasn't entirely sure what he was saying next, and Clary tilted her head as she waited.

Jace figured she was as unused to seeing Magnus fighting for words as he was.

Alec had a hint of a frown between his brows, so apparently that wasn't a thing Magnus did very often in private, either.

Magnus sighed, and tried again. "If you wanted to give the retrieval of your memories another try, I have heard from the Spiral Labyrinth that Valak appears to have. Reformed."

"That was quick." Alec sounded almost blank, and Jace wondered if... no, that was stupid. Alec always still felt guilty about things, the only question was _how_ guilty Alec still felt about the original failed summoning.

"He is one of the original Greater Demons." Jace shrugged as everyone looked at him. "I looked him up after last time. He's not a Fallen Angel, but he's still classified as a Demon Prince. There are only a couple of those."

A hint of pride broke through in Alec's voice. "And yet, Magnus managed to contain him."

"He almost killed Jace." Clary finally spoke up, her voice a little more subdued than usual.

"But he didn't break _free,_ " Jace pointed out.

Clary glared at him.

"What?" Jace spread his hands wide.

"You almost _died._ "

Jace shrugged. "Doesn't make Magnus less impressive."

"Why thank you," Magnus gestured sideways and leaned forward in his chair in a way that very clearly implied a bow.

Jace snorted, and Alec's shell cracked a bit more, a hint of a smile as he looked at Magnus.

When Magnus was an arrogant bastard, Alec thought it was _great._ When Jace was an arrogant bastard, Alec always looked like he wanted to murder him. To be fair, Magnus never needed Alec to clean up the mess after he was an arrogant bastard?

Might cheer Alec up if he did.

But that wasn't Jace's business.

Jace leaned forward, aiming his next words at Clary. "Doesn't make you less impressive, either. You managed to disperse him, after all."

"She is naturally gifted when it comes to stabbing things." Alec's voice was dry, but his expression was fond. Jace could feel the tension in Alec's shoulders still, knew he wasn't nearly as nonchalant as he was appearing, but Alec wouldn't thank him for pointing it out.

Clary blinked. "Thank you?"

"You're welcome." Alec nodded graciously and entirely sincerely. Jace still didn't know how he did that, there was no way that should have managed not to sound either stupid or sarcastic. But no, he meant it as a compliment, and he was glad Clary knew it.

Jace shook his head a little. _You're so weird._

Alec raised his eyebrows at Jace. _You're one to talk._

Jace shrugged. _Fair point._

"They're doing it again." Clary hissed, and when Jace shifted his attention back towards her, he saw she was leaning closer to Magnus. "Do you think it's a Lightwood thing, or a _parabatai_ thing?"

"Both." Magnus leaned in as well, far enough he could clink his martini glass against her iced tea. "They do it with Isabelle too, but there's usually the occasional half-a-word thrown in with her."

Clary hummed in consideration before she nodded in agreement, and Jace had to resist the urge to stick his tongue out at her.

Alec snorted.

Magnus blew him a kiss.

Jace rolled his eyes at Clary. _They're not any better!_

Clary grinned at him. _Neither are we._

And wasn't that a nice thought?

"There's no hurry," Magnus' voice was mostly serious again. "But do let me know. It will be the same ritual, but he may ask for a different price. He's all about shadows and secrets and treasures; he might be looking for something entirely different this time."

"Will it be worse because we." Clary swallowed. "Because I tried to kill him last time?"

"Probably not." Magnus shrugged. "He's not a particularly aggressive or grudge-holding demon, he really does just like knowing things, having bits and pieces of this world that no other demon can hold via his collection of memories. It's why I chose him to hold your memories in the first place."

"It's not like Valak would consider any of us a threat. We don't actually know _how_ to kill him," Alec said. "Not so he'd stay dispersed for very long, much less actually dead. I doubt a short stint in the Void means much to a literal Shadow Demon. There's speculation he's _part_ Void. Might have been a nice vacation for him."

Magnus snorted this time, but not in disagreement.

"Plus it's a very comprehensive summoning and containment spell." Jace grinned as Magnus lifted an eyebrow at him this time. "I told you I looked it up. That Medusa in the middle of the pentagram, it's a symbol of protection called a _gorgoneion,_ and Valak's particularly vulnerable to it because of their shared dominion over serpents."

Magnus lifted his glass in another toast, this time aimed in Jace's direction. "Gold star for blondie."

"Thank you." Jace did not manage to avoid sounding slightly sarcastic, and he was not at all surprised when Alec kicked his ankle. He ignored that. "All of which just means that as summonings go, it's usually..."

He trailed off. He'd almost said mostly harmless, but then Alec was going to think about how their original attempt hadn't been, and how that was all his fault, and Jace had no idea how to comfort Clary that they really did usually know what they were doing without making Alec feel even worse about how obviously fucked up they'd been when they first met Clary.

Her mouth did an odd twist as she watched him stop talking, and he sighed. She'd clearly already figured all that out.

Not that it was hard.

"You should ask Simon." Alec's sentence ended more abruptly than usual, as if there'd been more he'd swallowed. "For the pentagram."

"And Luke." Jace managed to say without glaring at Alec for stealing his idea before he'd managed to say it first.

Clary frowned. "That makes seven. That's not a pentagram any more."

Alec blinked at her. _Well obviously you wouldn't want me there._

Magnus and Clary just kept staring at him, and Jace had to swallow a snort of amusement. "Don't think you ducking out was obvious to anyone but you."

"I suppose it should have been," Magnus sighed. There was a golden glint in his eyes as he switched his attention to Jace. "But Alexander's over-developed guilt-complex doesn't explain why you're trying to duck out, too."

Alec's mouth opened, as if he was going to try and protest that his guilt-complex was at perfectly reasonable levels or something, but then his mouth closed and he turned to frown at Jace instead.

"He didn't want my memory last time?" Jace shrugged. He hoped that none of the despair he'd felt at that one-two punch of the demon deciding Jace didn't love anyone enough for his memories to _count_ , of Alec being terrified of loving Jace, was making it through the bond. Or worse, onto his face for everyone to see. "Seems a bit of a risk to include me again."

Judging by how still Clary suddenly was, of the surge of nausea he felt from Alec, he'd failed entirely.

Fuck.

Alec leaned forward, but Magnus' hand on his arm stopped him before he said something that Jace probably wouldn't know how to deal with. Jace was used to feeling grateful for Magnus' existence for Alec's sake almost daily; it was a little weird being grateful for his own sake this time.

"The ritual was broken half-way through," Magnus said, his voice slow and careful, like you'd talk to a spooked horse. Jace kind of hated how nice it sounded. "Why do you think he didn't want your memory? He didn't get to me, either."

"He skipped me." Jace swallowed. Jace had been sure he'd see Alec's face when the demon got to him, too, but then Valak had just... jumped over him instead. Like everything Valentine had taught Jace when he was growing up was true, was right, that he couldn't know what love was, that he wouldn't ever be capable of it, that everything he thought he'd felt with the Lightwoods, with Alec, his brother, the other half of his _soul,_ that all of it was just a lie he'd told himself, told himself so often he'd forgotten it was a lie.

But the demon could tell, could take one look at him and tell that all his cherished memories were wrong, weren't really love.

Then Alec had rejected the very thought that Jace could be the one he loved the most, as if Alec knew that too, knew they weren't really _parabatai,_ not in any way that mattered, knew he couldn't trust Jace at his side, and sometimes Jace could tell himself that Alec was rejecting the implication of attraction, that it was more about Alec and his fears than Jace and his failures, and he told himself that Alec did love him, he did... but.

Sometimes all he could remember was that denial, and it didn't matter why.

No one had thought twice about Izzy loving Alec the most. No one would ever doubt that Alec was worth that, no one would ever panic at admitting that.

"Jace," Alec's voice was rougher than usual, and before Magnus or Jace could try and stop him again, he'd turned his chair and pulled Jace against him, his arms hard and implacable, and the fact that there was no way out was exactly what Jace needed.

He did manage to spare half a thought to being glad they were having dinner at Magnus' rather than in public before he just leaned in, his forehead pressed against Alec's shoulder, and he managed not to think about anything else at all. He could feel the hard beat of Alec's heart through the bond, the tight grip of Alec's hands an echo of tension even as his own body relaxed.

"Do you know what an ouroboros is?" Magnus' voice was overly precise and almost delicate; Jace wondered how long they'd been silent, how long he'd lost himself.

Jace nodded.

He felt Alec's head move above him, echoing the movement to make sure Magnus could see it.

"An ouroboros can be used to enhance a containment ritual; it won't actually make a pentagram last an infinite amount of time, but it does give it a kick."

Magnus paused, as if giving Jace time to process that.

"It's also a snake, so Valak's more vulnerable?" Clary asked.

"Mm-hmm." Magnus confirmed. "If Valak invokes that symbol by reinforcing the circle of a pentagram, any particularly talented or powerful warlock—"

"Like you?" Clary interrupted again, the smile clear in her voice.

Jace heard the _clink_ of crystal and figured Magus had tapped her glass in agreement again. He felt himself smile, just a little, imagining the looks on both their faces, gently teasing and an exaggerated glint of false-modesty.

"A good warlock can force Valak to answer _two_ requests for the price of one, so he will never follow a circle all the way around during a ritual. He jumps and swerves instead."

_Oh._

Jace felt a hot flush of shame, _it had nothing to do with me,_ but before he could move or say anything, Alec's arms tightened even further.

"It's also fair to say that 'love the most' is a crock of bull-shit." It was Alec this time, his voice remarkably steady, considering, and Jace could _feel_ it in his chest as much as hear it. "Magnus and I talked about it, and there's no way for a demon to know that, love doesn't work like that, _most_ and _least_ or whatever. It's whoever you're thinking about _right then_ during the ceremony, whatever your emotions are most caught up in at the time."

"It's usually a plausible answer," Magnus hummed softly in agreement. "Because it's suggested by the question, so you're _thinking_ about whoever is important to you. But sometimes the question isn't enough to lead you that way, and he'll take a memory of whoever you're concerned about, or even angriest at, whatever's strongest and primary in your thoughts."

"So I saw my mom because I was worried and looking for her, not just because she was my mom." Jace could hear Clary shifting in her chair as she spoke.

"And Isabelle was probably still caught up in being delighted to witness me flirting atrociously with Alec," Magnus agreed. "Rather than him truly being more important to her than Jace or Max."

Alec's hand rubbed up and down Jace's spine, and his voice was both softer and lighter when he spoke again. "I have never regretted loving you, Jace, I just didn't know what _most_ meant, or how I was supposed to survive admitting it in front of strangers."

"If Valak does ask for a memory of the 'one you love the most' again—" Magnus continued, soft and warm and gentle in a way that reminded Jace of how very old he was "—I will probably think of Alexander, but I might be reminded of Ragnor, because he died and I won't get any more new memories of him, and so each one I have is even more precious than they used to be."

Alec made a pained noise in the back of his throat, and Jace pushed himself free, wiping his eyes and shaking his head to settle himself.

And then he had to shake his head again, because Alec ruffled his hair and he could feel it didn't settle properly on its own.

Alec didn't reach out to wrap himself around Magnus up the way he had Jace, despite how clearly he wanted to, but he did reach out a hand and rest it gently on top of Magnus'.

Magnus blinked at Alec, and turned his wrist so their fingers could intertwine.

Jace coughed. "Sorry for ruining dinner."

"No such thing." Magnus waved the hand not still holding onto Alec in dismissal, somehow not spilling a drop of his drink. "But perhaps it is the sort of night that could use some extra dessert?"

Clary's eyes brightened and she sat up a little straighter. "Chocolate dessert?"

"Your wish is my command."


End file.
